i wish you really knew how much you're breaking my heart. maybe you'd stop being so relentless on me, if u could feel this, just a bit. its like, someone ripped your fucking heart out without sewing up your chest and force fed the whole thing down your throat, still expecting you to breathe. fuck. i feel so empty inside right now....so empty. ive not been happy all day. the only happy i possibly could get a finger on is this hope that maybe u were just having some weird mood swing and that everything would be ok today......but its not. WHY NOT?
its harsh, since ive been on cloud nine for the past 3monthes...
i cant be perfect for you like you are for me, i guess. i guess, all im good at is loving you. i guess, thats not good enough.
what possibly could be, for you?
i thought i was rediculous when i push ppl away. but this is just too much. i cant win. you wont let me.
thanks for not telling me you have issues with my being sooner before i got in so deep. i have always felt the way ive let on about you, i was never holding back anything that i had a problem with. there were no problems. this would be pointing out that you were faking your half of this? if you never told me. that was SO wrong of you. maybe next time you'll learn its better to require your girlfriend be perfect from moment one, instead of 2monthes in. you should have known the girl you're dating is the one you freaking asked out. goddammit.
ive searched my whole life for someone like you....i thought you felt the same.
im too fucking sad to even stick up for myself right now. fuck this world, all of its hate and rejection and wants and needs that cant ever be pleased. YOU UNACCEPTING PEOPLE ARE THE REASON I USED TO HATE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!
ill not let this stupid fucking bullshit make me miserable. i refuse to feel shitty, or be altered, or change, for anyone. not anymore. if you wanted this to be as serious as you want it, THEN ACT LIKE IT. if we're still supposed to be fixing ourselves for eachother, than its not even close to how you say it "should" be. you can either accept me for me UNCONDITIONALLY, or not at all. its simple, thats love, you kno, the thing you said you 'ed me? id rather be alone forever than feel like im not good enough. ive worked on myself QUITE FUCKING ENOUGH for this world, and you can just get over me (cant you?) if im not what you want.
god this is killing me. i feel like such a fool, cloud nine is SO far above the earth....the fall is incredible.
i kno someday, someone will love me.......wont they?
3:07 pm - 04.01.10
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
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