(disclaimer: previous entry is not something im proud of. but honestly i thought i was on the verge of a breakup, all hope was lost, blahblahblah. nutshell: not properly thought of rantics of an overdramatic, unmedicated, drama queen. kind of sickening to the author. "kind of" being an understatement.)
bleh.
i am going thru the most defining changes of my life right now.
im enjoying it. oh my god am i enjoying it. but its also very, very, difficult.
i have been on this stuckonstupid plateau, i lost myself, ran in a thousand circles with my head cut off, for god knows how long. how i expected to find anything in the fog is beyond me.
and so, i jumped off the edge of that little world, not knowing when id land, where id land, or what id land on, and found myself diving into an extremely freezing, vast ocean. alas, everything that was me, jumped in too!
who'da thought?
so now, as ive found my head after a few weeks of swimming and bumping into random me's, ive started collecting myself and selves again. slowly but surely, cuz its oh so tiring, im finding everything id lost.
WHY IS THERE SOOOO MUCH?! i dont remember losing all of this.
WHAT was i doing this whole time? so much time, wasted.
HOW could i let myself fall so far behind? playing catch-up will be most difficult.
i am ashamed of the person ive become, simply.
but ill be working on getting back my muchness.
a wise person told me ive lost this. i believe that to be true.
oh how i loved my muchness. it was everything and anything that made me, that became of me, that was me. i loved it more than anything. how could i lose such a thing? such an important, important thing...
im going to go cry now. i kno that it might sound stupid, but its because of a good thing. a truly good thing.
believe in me, because im starting to believe in myself.
(whats with all the repetition?)
1:36 pm - 04.04.10
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
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