paint thinner does not get acrylic paint off of paint brushes.
no, not one bit.
i am loving every bit of that^ metaphor that was completely unintentional.
AHH,
all i want to do is explain myself. i feel like its necessary that you understand. because i know if i just explain well enough, you can understand.
or (and this is the one i think is most likely the case),
i overestimated you through and through, and theres no way in hell you'd be able to get over your own hurt to respect my important, vital decision as a human being. as a GOOD human being.
i will never feel wrong for doing this.
god i hate writing nowadays. i hate that i just said that. but i can never channel myself enough into it any of it anymore. when im happy, i have little short spurts of nothing to write about. and when im upset, i just want to leave it alone, as short and sweet as possible.
reading over this, i did exactly that. jeez.
nothing really ever gets out....
makes for a very complete person.
this dissociation is a gift and a curse. i should be feeling like a chaotic mess right now. but i dont. im rather calm, actually. i guess because my hugest hurdle has been jumped, and i stand beside myself when i say i kno what im doing is right, and that is that. like it or not.cant sit there and apologize to nor feel the need to explain anything to someone who called me a cunt, just sayin.
ive officially decided i am going to deviantart my eyes off until i find the right template picture(s), then begin a new template.
oh, and i bought acrylics and an acrylic pad of paper. only thing is, my brushes still have very old paint on them...
...i keep looking for a purpose in life.
i also keep forgetting that I ALREADY HAVE ONE.
he looks mostly like me, with his daddy's smile and eyes like the world.
he was made out of pure love, if any child ever was.
he is love.
my god! could it be?
i could scroll thru hundreds of pages where all i talked about is that silly word. and what i thought it was. i had no clue what it was.
but it was my whole purpose in life. correction, is. i mean really, who do you know at the age of 5 was looking for the love of their life and wouldnt stop looking until they found them?
my purpose. love.
he is my purpose.
i would do anything for my purpose.
forgive that i always learn the hard way.
empathy used to be my best trait.
empathy is a fool's trait.
and appreciation plays a very, very large role in kharma.
thank you for this little soul~searching journey you had no choice but to let me venture on. i needed exposure to something other than our perfect little world (which by most standards, is fucking butterflies and rainbows. seriously.).
i have no other way to describe this more perfectly than to say
i am a hardened motherfucker.
im lovin it. thank god, the girl got a backbone. not necessarily to defend against anyone else, but to atleast hold her own goddamn self up.
haha oh man. lets just say its been a while since ive written.
i am the best me so far....i think.
heh.
a little jimi and then some sleep. busy day tomorrow.
cant wait for friday.
9:15 pm - 03.02.11
Recent entries:
08.02.22//castle of glass
08.01.22//the next entry
08.01.22//because i was sent to warn you, the devil's in the next room
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
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