so extremely stuck in this void.
this is the oddest of feelings.
like i shouldnt give much of a damn and just get on with my night.
but then...my heart is screaming at me from the background telling me i do care and that it really matters.
god...what the fuck.
this world can be a wonderous and hideous place. more times than not, worse than it ever should be...
GODDAMMIT! i still dont fucking kno what to do about this.
ugh fucking...fucking fuck.
FUCKING FUCK!!
"fucking fuck! you fucking fuck!"
im so stuck. stuck stuck stuck...
so fucking stuck.
i guess im going to go get my camera and upload some happy pictures...i need something to take this off my mind. i prolly wont. ill prolly just add more music to my playlist that isnt even working right now. or maybe go watch a movie in my room. or sleep! who knows.
i could talk about the last 3 days ive had. cuz its been so fun. but im barely able to keep myself going on myspace about it to this chick. that box has been open for nearly 2hours.
i do believe a life without experimenting drugs would be quite boring.
that or i just havent found god yet. or some shit what the hell.
shit.......fuckkkkk! argh fucking fuck. ugh sry. this is really all that keeps coming back to me! i dont deal with death well. at all. i dont actually deal with it ever...i usually dont show any bit of irrational emotion, which makes it tons easier to fake it off to where it isnt even there anymore.
inside my shell i wait and bleed...
this monster is going to explode and kill.
i think there are rats in my garage.
or maybe in the walls.
sigh.....i should be getting a rat soon. the white domestic kind. me and phillip claimed two in taylor's moms cage that we're going to keep at my house when they're old enough. ive been marking the same rat for the past couple of days, but it keeps cleaning off the sharpie. so tonite i painted some rats foot midnite blue with nailpolish, not knowing whether thats the same one ive had or not. i really hope i guessed right tho...it felt kinda right. stupid overly clean, dirty animals.
i hope i dont poison it in its attemption to clean all that off.
tomorro nite me and phillip are supposed to go to taylors to do hypnosis stuff. im not going to try. i dont want to and i dont really have a reason why. i just kno theres no pt in trying, cuz when im sitting there all im going to be doing is thinking about how im not going to let it work. i think my mind is too.......stable? now for that.
eh. or whatever.
anyway... its nearly 3am so i guess ill stop rambling and go to bed. i dont really mind what time it is, but my butt is numb and hurting from sitting in this not so cushiony chair for too long. btw i never really figured out where this extra 5th chair came from. our table only seats 4.
fucking-sigh. so lame.
12:36 am - 07.31.07
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
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