i wonder if you think that if you're here itll all be ok?
you cant stop them from their stupid addictions or me from my insecurities.
you cant save me from my anger and aggression, even if i did say i would try.
you cant even stop me from doing the things i promised id stop doing.
do i do this to rebel and have control over something?
no. thats what the addiction's for.
to control the pain i feel. right?
release it or keep it if i want to, at my choice.
why is it you chose me?
of all ppl.
before you knew me.
bet you would have thought twice if you would have known about all of this.
im too messed up to be loved, cant you see?
ive been broken and torn too many times to count.
and you're just another seam in the stitchery.
what is it that goes thru your head when you sit there on the phone?
i would like to kno.
i also would like to kno if you think you've got control of me.
oh boy, because i can get wild at times.
my dad screaming one of the words i hate in the background.
two reasons showing why i hate him so much.
why cant he say no to what he does every night?
but he can say it to me.
oh thats right.
because the world revolves all around kevin bryant, and anything and everything in his way will be torn down and into pieces.
when time soaked with blood turns it's back,
i kno its hard to fall.
confided in me was your heart.
i kno its hurting you,
but its killing me.
i got this urge just now.
this urge to grab the knife in my desk drawer and stab you with it.
you licking on that stupid spoon.
staring me down and not being able to stand straight in one place.
i fucking hate you and i wish i could kill you.
you kno how many ppl would sleep better at nite?
knowing that the burden of your stupidity was destroyed?
why dont you see?
why doesn't he see?
why are you so fake?
are you trying to make me look like im the psychotic one, making all these things up?
are you trying to make him think im faking all of this for attention?
when are you going to realize he'll catch you sooner or later?
oh how glorious will be the day when i prove you not so innocent.
how evil you've become.
how evil you always have been.
i just didn't see it did i?
oh but he will, all too soon.
i will make sure of that.
too blind to see past my reflection sometimes i kno.
but everyone has the right to have flaws in their vision.
but no one has the right to wear sunglasses all the time.
take them off and face the light of your reality.
you kno what i say is true.
thats why it makes you so angry.
cant stand it?
miss the old me that didn't speak out loud?
well you better get out your regret list now.
write it all down.
hate it.
thats what i want.
because she's staying for quite a while longer.
just for you.
i stop screaming.
ill control my temper.
i wont cut myself.
ill be nicer to my parents.
but only if you tell me why you're so you all the time.
+++
i love +s. they look like stitches.
9:19 p.m. - Dec. 22, 2004
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
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