im in a really odd mood.
ive been searching everywhere for the results of justin's personality disorder test. ive finally found them. in an ooooold conversation i saved.
to tell you the truth, we are so much alike, but i am a very fucked up kid compared to him and his test.
these are his results:
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
tho it fits that he's dependant, because i knew it before he even took the test. funny. =)
ive got this huge urge to write about everything and anything. its one of those annoying days where the ppl who have me as a favorite check their buddy list and are like 'goddammit, her again!'. sry yall...
+++ (i happen to think that the 'plus sign' is the prettiest sign on the keyboard... just a thought)
i waited for you
i died inside my head
and id die again for you
im faded and tired
completely uninspired
and id die again for you
so kill me with the love
that you wont give to me
and pack the wound with salt
i wanna feel it bleed
im searching for reason
to keep away the demons
and id die again for you
i wish you were near me
to feel it when you hear me say
id die again for you
so kill me with the love
that you wont give to me
and pack the wound with salt
i wanna feel it bleed
you wanted me to crawl
so now im on my knees
why's it always have to be me
i always have doubt to burn
and ill never learn
why's it always have to be me
i always have doubt to burn
and ill never learn
so kill me with the love
that you wont give to me
and pack the wound with salt
i wanna feel it bleed
you wanted me to crawl
so now im on my knees
+++
standing there with your ball and chain
bitch about what you created
woke up in a masquerade
you've already been paid and made it
dont pretend to kno what its like
to feel the things we must live thru
your city with your dying eyes
tell me one thing i will not go thru
can you take this life
can you make it rite
do you have the words to say to make it all go away
you act so wise
and so refined
you keep your lies cuz im
never going to go your way
promises of a better life
whats wrong with the one im leading
everyone has a different fight
a different wound that keeps them bleeding
whats wrong with a little fun
everyone needs to find their something
is this how you're going to treat ur son
fuck him up and give him nothing
can you take this life
can you make it rite
do you have the words to say to make it all go away
you act so wise
and so refined
keep your bullshit lies
cuz im never going to go your way
everybody needs to find their own thru life
everybody needs to find their own way
everybody needs to find their own way thru life
everybody needs to find their own
can you take this life
can you make it right
do u have the words to say to make it all go away
can you take this life
can you make it right
do you have the words to say to make it all go away
you act so wise
and so refined
keep your bullshit lies
cuz im never going to go your way
never going to go your way
+++
i walk into the room
you dont have to scream i can hear you
bad trip the needle slipped
you get your fix from confrontations
i try to make it past
i dont wanna get into it right now
cant this family have one day
to get away from all the pain
and thru the nite i see the light
shining from the neighbor's window
i dream of life where im safe
in a home where i am not alone
someday i will lay me down on the grass where everything is greener
it always seems so good on the other side
im sick of all the heat
you can taste the hate in the air
running thru this family uncomfortably
its killing me
is anybody there
in your eyes there's nothing to see
just because your dreams have died
dont drag me down ive still got mine
and thru the nite i see the light
shining from the neighbor's windows
i dream of life where im safe
in a home where i am not alone
and someday i will lay me down on the grass where everything is greener
it always seems so good on the other side
neighbor boy runs up to me
his eyes all black and blue
i said what happened to you boy
he said my daddy flew
off the hook cuz i was playing too loud
i guess he couldnt hear the tv
he said son ima teach you a lesson
and then he and then he
maybe its not so good on the other side
maybe its not so good on the other side
it always seems so good on the other side
it always looks so good
it always seems so good
it always seems so good on the other side
it always seems so good on the other side
it always seems so good on the other side
+++
i dont have time for your solutions
i dont wanna deal with your mistakes
no matter how much medication
the doctor says i need to take
i still say
you're the ones that kill your babies
you're the ones that fuck your kids
you're the ones that throw eachother away
you're the ones sitting in church every sunday
and i dont want your religions
and i dont need your simpathies
and i dont want a part of all your hatred
no matter how much you yell at me
i still say
you're the ones that kill your babies
you're the ones that fuck your kids
you're the ones that throw eachother away
you're the ones sitting in church every sunday
you're the ones that kill your babies
you're the ones that fuck your kids
you're the ones that throw eachother away
you're the ones sitting in church every sunday
+++
i let myself fall into a lie
i left my walls come down
i left myself smile and feel alive
i let my walls come down
no matter how i try i dont kno why
you push so far away
you wrapped your hands tight around my heart
and squeezed it full of pain
with this knife ill cut out the part of me
the part that cares for you
with this knife ill cut out the heart of me
the heart that cares for you
i cant believe the way you took me down
i never saw the day
coming in a million broken miles
like poison for my veins
with this knife ill cut out the part of me
the part that cares for you
with this knife ill cut the heart of me
the heart that cares for you
with this knife ill cut out the part of me
the part that cares for you
with this knife ill cut the heart of me
the heart that cares for you
the hate and the fear
the nightmares that wake me up in tears
the nightmares and the hate and the fear
the nightmares that wake me up in tears
the nightmares and the hate and the fear
the nightmares that wake me up in tears
the nightmares and the hate
+++
some days are better
they're better than others
cant run forever
you're pushing me under
what a way to live my life
im hiding from the battles i dont wanna fight
what have i become
and now its going grey
all the lines are blurry and decayed
and i cant recall
exactly who's to blame anymore
is it me or is it you
somethin isnt rite
of all the things that we could do
we just wanna fight
some day i will find the courage to embrace you
some day i will find the strength to erase you
some days i think i am nothing without you
some times i wish that i could just kill you
what a way we live our lives
its hard to breathe
it feels like im infected by
my dad's disease
and now its going grey
and you're the one i chose to feed me pain
and im the one you bring home so ashamed thru their eyes
is it me or is it you
something isnt rite
of all the things that we could do
we just wanna fight
some day i will find the courage to embrace you
some day i will find the strength to erase you
and i can see myself in heaven
if i can free myself from this hell
is it me or is it you
something isnt rite
of all the things that we could do
we just wanna fight
some day i will find the courage to embrace you
some day i will find the strength to erase you
to erase you
to erase you
+++
been scared and lonely
ive asked myself is something wrong with you
my girlfriend told me
i need some time alone to deal with issues
but something makes me carry on
its difficult to understand why i always want to fight
i do it for the drug
i do it just to feel the pain
i do it for the love
that i get from the bottom of the bottle
you always called me
and thats the way i make it thru the day
im always falling
i guess its just god's way of making me pay
but something makes me carry on
its difficult to understand why i always want to fight
i do it for the drug
i do it just to feel the pain
i do it for the love
that i get from the bottom of the bottle
i do it for the drug
i do it just to feel the pain
i do it for the love
that i get from the bottom of the bottle
and i i wonder why i try
and i i wonder why i bother
and i i wonder why i cry
why i i go thru all this trouble
i do it for the drug
i do it just to feel the pain
i do it for the love
that i get from the bottom of the bottle
i do it for the drug
i do it just to feel the pain
i do it for the love
that i get from the bottom of the bottle
+++
silhouettes above the cradel
pull me down
they wont let me go the wrong way
mother taught me all the fables
told me how in the end all the sinners have to pay
but i dont wanna live like my mother
i dont wanna let fear rule my life
and i dont wanna live like my father
i dont wanna give up before i die
he works so hard his bones are breaking
he's worn them down
long ago he lost the feeling
his good intentions leave me shaking
show me how i dont ever wanna end up like he did
and i dont wanna live like my mother
i dont wanna let fear rule my life
and i dont wanna live like my father
i dont wanna give up before i die
when i have kids
i wont put any chains on their wrists
i wont
ill tell them this
there's nothing in this world that you cant you be if you want it enough
i dont wanna live like my mother
i dont wanna let fear rule my life
and i dont wanna live like my father
i dont wanna give up before i die
i dont wanna live like my mother
i dont wanna let fear rule my life
and i dont wanna live like my father
i dont wanna give up before i die
+++
in the land of dirt and plaster
lies an army of a thousand nowhere kids
greeze and grime and falling faster
into the lives that no one should have to live
we are the ppl that you hate
we are the bastards that you created
a generation with no place
a generation on all your sons and daughters
behind the fake family image
behind the smiles of a thousand moms and dads
inside the cage that we've been given
i see a picture of the future that we dont have
we are the ppl that you hate
we are the bastards that you created
a generation with no place
a generation on all your sons and
we are the ppl that you hate
the fucking bastards that you created
a generation with no place
a generation on all your sons and daughters
what did you expect
a perfect child
raised by tv sets
abandoned every mile
we never get respect
never a fair trial
no one gives a shit as long as we smile
we are the ppl that you hate
we are the bastards that you created
a generation with no place
a generation on all your sons and
we are the ppl that you hate
the fucking bastards that you created
a generation with no place
a generation on all your sons and daughters
+++
i typed up all those lyrics by myself. i dont anyone is reading this because i usually wouldn't if it was just all this lyrics shit. maybe i should start doing that more often.
but now i have to get off and find another escape (i was sitting here blasting ses in my ears and couldn't hear a word anyone was saying) from the annoying tone in my mom's voice that she gets when she drinks. i hate when she drinks. i really really do.
times are broken and there's no where to go... (its a song, but dont ask what one cuz i aint got a clue.)
smile, my empty soul.
4:10 p.m. - Dec. 21, 2004
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
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