i think i have finally allowed myself to feel again (which i will have you know, i did NOT know i wasnt....its going to take a while to translate that all back), and i dont think ive been feeling since before i moved from austin. so, two years?
the evils of this world tried to pin us down, to stick it to us as much as "they" possibly could. but alas, we are rising victoriously, still. it's kinda like that character in the movies that couldnt be killed? all the crap they take and take and even do to themselves....theyre still crawling out from underneath the rubble of fallen stones, ruins, with righteous indignation.
now, i will say that there is probably something there, to dallas' notion of "stop consuming anything so that you can get a baseline level for a doctor." and i admit, this is probably my subconscious forcibly rebelling *insert smiley emoji with the sweat drop by the eye* against anything anyone tells me that they think is "good for me."
damn the adhd is supremely real and is also running AMOK. (can you tell? i inserted this as an afterthought) as i read back over what i write out, everything aligns with a thought process and whatnot- but you have NO idea how many avenues were twisting and turning and SAYING THE WORDS around the sentences i actually am applying here.
shiet. id like to be someone's damned science experiment so that i may be able to understand myself even further. that would be fun!
because the ability to translate my thoughts (which are of pictures and feelings) into words is something to ahold, in my very honest opinion. hehe.
6:29 pm - 08.21.22