jesus freaks out in the street,
handing tickets out for god.
turning back, she just laughs,
the boulevard is not that bad.
piano man he makes his stand
in the auditorium,
looking on she sings the songs;
the words she knows, the tune she hums.
but oh how it feels so real,
lying here with no one near;
only you, and you can hear me,
when I say softly, slowly...
hold me closer tiny dancer.
count the headlights on the highway...
lay me down in sheets of linen,
you had a busy day today.
i watched 'almost famous' at anna's last nite...i love that movie, i want to make the soundtrack and listen to it til my ears bleed.
sigh. i wish i could go back to that time, everything seemed so strangely simplistic but more real to the heart than any other, it feels like home to me...
ive been trying to write this entry for an hour now. my mind is drawing a blank, and that is because im avoiding writing about anything im thinking about.
i should stop avoiding myself. it leads to bottled up meredith ness, which becomes explosive in time...
if i were honest with you, how would you take it?
would you take it as ive been lying this whole time, that im a liar, and a fake? probably.
but here goes...
im worried about your mental health. but how the FUCK do you tell someone that? how do i tell you that im sorry, im sorry for the stupid lies you were fed as a child... im sorry that you went to the marines and you're the angelic soul you are and the things you had to do were so terrible, i dont even kno them, but baby i do kno, please trust in this, and i kno what it did to your beautiful heart... im sorry that when you finally escaped that hell, it was to come back to the one thing you thought you had solid had become totally disfunctional and fallen apart, with nothing but stupidity and retarded reasoning to back it up... im ESPECIALLY sorry that because of all of this that your opinion on females and all things related to are going to be fucked up for life, i needed you to have this stability and peace of mind that you do not... im even MORE sorry that theres more going on now, ive had more than halfminds a fair many times to send her a message on facebook concerning her behavior and its hurt on you, but who am i to judge? im so fucking sorry for anybody ever hurting you and i dont want you to see me as one of those people, you just dont understand that i am a me too and that my heart is fragile and fleeting, quite moreso than yours, especially when it comes to rollercoaster love and everything just takes time (damn, time takes its damn time)...i just wish i could fix everything in your life and not have to deal with mine, because its so much easier to help someone else than to help ourselves...
i cant have you thinking i dont care about you. my admitting to knowing youve cared about me most out of anyone i kno, is also a silent admittance to me caring about you and loving you unconditionally (do you see this word?), or else how would i understand you to be true? please understand that i am trying my best to look out for myself, i havent in so long and you saw where that got me, i dont even really kno how and if running away looks like the best idea for now, then...
im going to call you tonite. i cant take this anymore. i love you and i want you to kno it.
i dream of you upon a stage.
your face lit up,
spotlights on you.
your voice,
the loudest,
a whisper heard over thousands across a room...
i can see every freckle,
every word leave your lips,
every look you give me,
give them...
i can hear your thoughts,
i can see your spirit,
your eyes shine,
your body floats,
your face dances...
and i just want to remove the room,
take away the stage,
cut the lights,
deplete the gravity...
take your hands,
fall into your eyes,
and kiss your smile...
3:17 pm - 08.14.10
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
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