ok so an explanation...
there was once a time where i wanted to lose control.
i had never accomplished it, altho many a time i was beyond what i thought was my breaking point.
well, now i kno what that breaking point is....due to my complete and utter stupidity...as well as drug addiction.
ok so i wouldnt say i was addict, because i think as an addict you can't actually live a moment of life sober. or maybe im just in denial.
but anyway, i was doing alot of drugs. especially this post week, where i decided i was going to be a hardcore badass and major-league it like i used to.
WELL LADIES AND GENTS,
obviously i am in a different place and time now-a-days.
obviously, im not depressed like i was 5years ago.
nor as stupid, or self-consumed.
neither am i cosumed in life's anythings remotely close to what i was then.
so ive been on medication for muscle pain for the past 3monthes. to some extent i think they were really helping, altho not with what i was using them to try and help.
well to sum it up, taking this anti-anxiety-anti-depression-fucks with your brain-etc medicine plus o.d.ing repeatedly on dxmhbr, is NOT a good idea.
it will make you go crazy.
when you're straight trippin for a week but thinking you're perfectly fine, thats when it reaches the term "crazy".
and on the last nite, if you drink half a damn bottle and DONT expect to be out of your motherfuckin head, thats even more "crazy".
this will also be the moment when you realize this.
i dont want to go into detail, cuz there's no need. ive never lost my mind before, and i lost it that nite. plain and simple. and i will never put myself anywhere near close to that situation being able to happen. noFUCKINGway.
anyway, that incident was sunday nite. i havent done anything since. i finally feel like my heads on straight, and it feels good. i feel like my old self again...
im also taking cymbalta instead of prozac now. ive go a week's worth of 30mg, and then im supposed to switch to 60mg.
also, ive been suspended from school. this should be more intensely nerve racking to me, but it really isnt.
ive come to learn that to get upset and be upset about anything isnt really worth my time. so im going to take this opportunity to veer my life into the direction it should be headed.
my short-term plan, is to work at woodhouse in missouri city, making a considerably good amount of money. enough to spend on gas for driving from bay city to there every day. when january comes around, ill be going to school again. then ill have to cut my hours short to whatever, ill see whatevers convenient when it reaches that point. after i graduate and get my license, i can work there full-time doing a certified job. then whenever phillip gets out of school, i want to move us to a bigger city and get a job somewhere doing haircolor, hairdressing, etc. cuz i eventually want to be a hairdresser.
so yea. this is kinda my plan....ima get a jumpstart on it tomorro. everything either begins or doesnt tomorro. so we'll see.
kharma is the hugest bitch to me, by the way. im kinda wondering if i hadnt been thrilled alyssa got suspended...well anyway. cant take back whats been done or what was meant down to my fucking bones.
i mean. :]
but yea, thats it. so now im a happy motherfuckin ray of sunshine, but a sober one. i do smoke weed, but ive gone from smoking full blunts every time i was in my car to half blunts to small bowls, in just 2days.
god, it feels so good...
8:37 pm - 10.21.09
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
hiv
fangbanger
onelilwitch
gypsyxdance
all2soon
pirate-witch
jackthripper
degausser
bloodinblack
imaginative-
midnightrum
annaisana