i have reasons to believe
the world really falls off when im not around.
mostly.
so im sick. prolly have strep or something. ITS NOT SURPRISING, u kno, with all the bullshit that has been going on.
stressed out from friends and family going psycho on me, pre-period (and now on my period), tired as fuck, stressed out cuz im in between homes, stressed out from bullshit i dont even wanna label.
ive noticed sometimes i go thru phases where ill use one punctuation mark more than usual (in this case, the comma). guess that means im talking different. idk.
anyway. yesterday was just flipping fantastic. not.
i get a call from cayce. shes at jeffs, but she doesnt want to be there. duh right. well i tell her we're going to mcdonalds to pick up my friend who had just broken up with boyfriend, doesnt have a home and was coming to bay city to smoke and chill with us for a bit. she calls me back and says that jeff said he'd drop her off at mcd's. cool. well while we're at mcd's, i get a call from cayce and she's jumped out of jeffs car in the middle of the highway (tell me this girl isnt my soulmate) by the ford dealership. she wants me to come pick her up, shes running thru cars trying to hide and jeffs after her.
well we get out there, pull up on the side, cayce comes walking across the parkinglot, followed by jeff and her mom and dad.
i dont really wanna into much detail after this. mostly, parents yelling, cop grandpa showing up, meredith yelling at parents, meredith and phillip pleading with cop grandpa, cayce trying to get into my car and then her dad grabbing her out and holding her down. obviously, it was something that could be summed up as ppl abusing their power.
kharma- theres two sides to everything. always.
but. the thing that tore my heart apart the most is that i had to leave her...i didnt want to get arrested. i had to leave her sitting there being held down screaming when i kno she would be just fine if she just came with me.
i sent her a message this morning.
so ever since yesterday, ive been trying to call you off of any number that was diff that i could use.....ive been a fucking wreck. im really sick and im stressed out and im wryd about you and what the fuck ur parents did to you.
i didnt wanna leave you, that shit was so unfair. im sry i was a puss in the sense that i didnt wanna go to jail again, so when ur grandpa told us to leave, phillip made me.
i cried the entire way back...
i had nightmares all last nite about it.
it sucks ur fucking grampa and jeff are cops. they dont have the fucking right to use force on you like that. u werent doing anything wrong or anything illegal, ure an adult and u have the right to be wherever, doing whatever, whenever!! OF COURSE u were going to freak the fuck out if jeff lied to you and tried to take u to ur parents house and then calls ur parents and sicks them on you and then ur dad fucking pulls you out of the car and holds you down! FUCKING SERIOUSLY!!! WTF! i woulda been kicking and screaming and biting and doing anything i possibly could to get out of there. i almost did, i got out of the car and i was like yelling at ur parents and ur grandpa and they kept saying u were strung out on something and i was like wtf NO SHES NOT URE JUST FREAKING HER OUT! phillip made me get in the car so i wouldnt get arrested....but fuck them, i was still yelling.
i dont kno. i didnt kno what to do. it was the worst fucking thing ever. i just wanted to steal you and take you away from all of them. all that drama couldve been avoided had they just let you fucking leave!
i dont kno. i forgot i was going to say after this, cuz i saw that u were online!
but i dont think it was you...
i hope ure not in rehab. i hope i get to talk to you soon.
im going to try calling you again....
i miss you cayce. i just want everything to go back to normal. well, not normal how it was....but good and better and not all this.
i wish instead of someone ratting out on you, i couldve just sat down with you and had a serious talk like i wanted to. cuz in all honesty, i was worried, sooo fucking very worried about ur drug problem. it was so out of hand, i was scared that one day i was going to hear that u had o. d. ed and died...and that would have totally broken my heart. i really wanted to do whatever the other so when i heard that u were in rehab, i was so relieved that u were getting help. i was waiting and waiting on the day that u were going to get out. i thought itd be forever.
AND! i was so fucking excited i was going to finally hang out with you yesterday finally...but. you kno.
whenever you get the chance, you fucking call me. if u ever need somewhere to go and be away from everyone, you fucking call me! seriously. i am here for you 24/7/365 if you need anything. i promise.
and if you need help being sober......say, i keep you so stoned that u never wanna touch another drug ever again, yep! ill do that too.
but yea. i guess ill get on with my day. its taken like 3hours to write this cuz ive had to keep getting up off the computer to fix the babyness haha...
btw, ethan misses you. so hurry back!
love always,
babyma
and now today, i hear that another one of my good friends...well...i dont kno how much is actually true. id have to ask her... i just wish there was something i could do for her. something. i understand everything even when i kno nothing, and i wish it meant something in her life now.
i dont kno.
i have cramps.
i need to smoke...
2:32 pm - 12.01.08
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
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