the more i read these random diaries, the more i realize that i am not, and never will be, the only person who lives thru what i live thru. sure, theyll never live my life with these certain ppl acting the way that we do and saying the things that we say exactly, but somewhere around the world there is someone else who is doing the same shit to a certain degree.
altho i do like to believe that im doing it with more of a flare. heh.
anyway. i worked my first nite at quiznos. i fucking hated it. im quitting tomorro. for quite a few reasons- a, it was goddamn boring and there was soooo much to do...i feel like i was there for no good reason, as well as doing too many things for no good reason. b, i worked way too late, and im sure itd be like that every single nite. i cant stand being away from ethan and phillip, let alone for longer than i should, and for nothing. c, my head manager decided she was going to be a selfish asshole and not schedule any nites for herself, and leave it all on me and loveisa. well FUCK that. i refuse to be used in any certain way, especially at a job that i dont necessarily need and even less want.
the only problem i have now is how im going to go about telling them i cannot work a single day more. i feel bad to put diana in this situation. really and truly i dont feel too bad, because its not really her fault, and its not going to give her too many problems. theres plenty of ppl working there already, and thats part of the reason im not even going to try and ask for the day shift job. she just really needs to evaluate her top manager, because she lost 2 good workers so far for the same reason. im sure we werent the first and wont be the last. bleh...i really liked this job. damn female.
maybe i will be the only one who can leave her
should i lie and just pretend that i couldnt kill her?
maybe i can just pretend as she flies into my web...
anyway. so tomorro my aunt is coming down. for 3days. the only good thing about this is that phillip and i will have some free time, cuz shes going to want the baby 24/7 and im not going to want to be around her. the only problem im having with this is that im becoming quite attached to my little guy and i want him around me all the time. and i cant stand being annoyed when hes in my arms. bleh idk. its only 3days i guess, and the days are allowed to end at 8:30 because bath time and bed time mean mommy and daddy hole up with baby in mommys room til whenever they want to do otherwise.
which will be never. i hope phillip wants to spend the nite tomorro...
i have an odd fascination with girls who are slutty. idk what it is, i like reading about their adventures with meaningless sex. i guess i like things im not.
ohhh, weird thing today. after sitting in the parking lot in the car for a really long time (token and i were starting to wonder if they were scoping out the place to come in and rob us), some girl [the passenger] came into quiznos. she wanted just turkey, ham, and roast beef with mozzerella on dry white bread. a small. i wasnt overly nice to her or anything. she wasnt demanding. and the sandwhich was nothing complicated. well i made her sandwhich for her, wrapped it, and then rang her up. well she paid for it, and when she got the change, she sorta stood there for a second, and gave me this look, then gave me two dollars and kinda like...gigglescampered? HAHA i cant quite describe it...off away, and left the store.
i was like hmm. damn. she just gave me a tip! for no reason. i did nothing special...
it sorta gave me those nervous little butteflyish things, kinda like when u have a crush on somebody and they look at u from across the room while ure hardcore staring at them.
have to say...she was really really (really goddammit!) cute. she had freckles. i wish i could see her once more. id almost go back to work just to wait and see if she comes in again.
how WEIRD am i!
i have absolutely no ability to be attracted to another guy other than phillip. girls on the other hand...bleh! theyre just way great. and when theyre hott...or pretty...well. idk.
i like girls. so sue me.
i feel so frickin odd admitting this!
actually it feels kinda good. it makes me kinda antsy and i feel like tehehehe-ing.
sigh.
i hope sex happens soon. maybe tomorro nite if phillip stays over. i hope its as good, or better yet much much better, than last nites little rompaloo. there is a feeling that i seriously desire, and if i dont get to feel that well...i might cry and yell at phillip afterward. i cant describe what it is or how it feels...i just kno what it is, kno i havent felt it in so so very long, and that there are many many ways to accomplish it. all of which are pretty damn simple. all u have to do is passionately devour me, or atleast pretend like u want to. honestly i wouldnt kno the difference. if i were u, id really do it or figure out the whole pretending thing...otherwise, there will be a very unhappy me to deal with. not good and u kno this.
i wonder what hed say if i ever pointed out the fact that hed go and get it from other ppl when i was willing to satisfy his every need, and yet ive never strayed even when there was nothing there for me and i damn well should have.
ah, that is brutal. think i need to go to sleep now before i say anything worse. im getting way too cocky for my britches.
goodnite!
1:50 am - 06.10.08
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
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