what do the three of them have in common?
i dont think anything. at all. one them of is my complete opposite. the other is just...well...themself. the other one is my total clone.
so nothing. except theyve all totally won over my heart.
i wonder if he has ppl like that?
no...prolly not. he did once. but not now. and actually...if i could think of maybe 3 ppl hed choose...we're not alike at all either.
except for our desperation.
i wonder what made me better?
...cuz i made myself be better. i made him see that i was the best, and no one could replace me. i swooned in and stole his heart and pampered it like hes never been loved before. i knew exactly what to do and when to do it. i knew which way to bend and what words to say. i knew what i wanted and i got what i wanted. maybe that was a part of it. maybe my determination was a turn-on.
but the thing i want to kno is...why is that what i wanted?
i could see myself with either ppl in the same situation and it seems to me like itd be working out ok. the only thing different would be the person and the past. i cant help but wonder what it is that im looking forward to in the future that was worth all that suffering. guess ill find out huh.
damn. i cant believe i actually got that out without really explaining myself. cool.
anyway. luna is making a lot of noise. she really hates being in her cage...i hate keeping her in there. but ethan is more important and i cant have her wreaking havoc on my stuff and making my room unsanitary with her dirty rat ways.
i really should be sleeping. just had to get on myspace real quick and send a friend a message. i wish i had some pain killers. i wish i had something other than pot. i dont like how it dims out my day. nor that it stays in my system for so long, is not that great, and is not worth all the trouble of being illegal and getting my caught. sigh.
im thinking i might just stay up til the next time ethan wakes up. i find its easier to put him to sleep if im not partially or completely asleep myself while im feeding him.
he pooed 2x today. im so happy. ive never been happy for another person to take a shit. but hes been all constipated and moody and etc for the past couple of days, and we've had to shove things up his ass to make him go so...im just glad hes going on his own free will.
oh and i got to experience projectile vomit today. lots of it too. nothing could really surprise me with this kid. i just never want my face to be on the receiving end of any sort of bodily movement. other than that, everything is all gravy. its amazing how easy this is for me...
ive been working on this diary template for a while, and its taken forever cuz im being a complete stickler about everything i put on it. but now im thinking of changing it up. or not using it at all and starting from scratch. ive just been looking at alot of simple templates lately and im really drawn to them. idk. maybe looking at it again will change my mind.
wish i had photoshop on my laptop.
wish i had a real internet connection on my laptop.
wish i had a tv...and cable.
phillips bday is in exactly a week. mommy and ethan have to make a trip up to wallyworld some time this week to buy daddy something nice and special. he says he doesnt want anything. too bad that doesnt stop me from getting him anything. ive got a few things in mind.
anyway. guess ill go back to sleep now. odds are ethan will wake up at 3 and ill hate myself for doing it, but what the hell. maybe he'll sleep til 6 and ill get lucky.
oh...and one of my friends is preggo. poor thing has everything bad about being pregnant happening to her in severity. and she thinks there may be more than one. i cannot imagine her with twins.
but yea. goodnite.
1:43 am - 05.25.08
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
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