i don't mind you keeping me on pins and needles...if i could stick to you, then you could stick me too. just don't break my heart, and i won't break your heart-shaped glasses. little girl, little girl you should close your eyes, that blue is getting me high, making me numb...
im not sure what i was going to write about. its been almost an hour since i opened this window and this is as far as ive gotten.
i refuse to go to bed til ive written something not completely pointless.
i should go to bed at a reasonable time tho. i guess itll be somewhat reasonable if im laying down before 2. haha, when did that become "reasonable"?
i dont do reasonable.
lord, im in a twisted mood...
loyal as i am to the green king, and as great as i feel when im tipsy,
i need some drug other than pot or alcohol.
[whoops. i have NOT been smoking.]
but- i love to smoke, i hate to be in the haze. i eat just to get unhigh...which at the moment is exactly what i am trying not to do. and drinking just flat out gives me a headache.
im sry if my drug usage bothers/upsets/whatevers you.
i could be analyzed as wanting to escape reality like those ppl who cant face their problems ect ect. not really. honestly i just find reality extremely boring. as it is.
if theyve made a rx happy pill i could take that will make me not want to do drugs, then hand em over. ill take those, and lay off the other shit.
odds of this happening? less than none. im not taking antidepressants or antianxietys or antikilleverybodys ever again. shit is worse for you than most ways of coping with issues.
damn. what the hell am i going on about??
i dont kno what im trying to accomplish with this entry...ive written quite a few things past this pt and erased all of them. which is not usual of me...
this party is old and uninviting
i miss the days when jack was happy.
or...yes. happy is a dim enough word.
with a lust for vampires,
a lust for blood.
a love for blood
a love for shedding blood.
and now
the mere thought of a razorblade against my skin...
makes me cringe.
ive always tried to not think about that too much.
i flat out cant understand myself.
what the fuck was i doing?
how could i do that?!
and to think...at the time, i thought id never live without it ever again.
ive got to remember i am always wrong in the present.
sigh.
i hope kriselda texts me with good news tomorro.
its 1:59
this is where i need to be let off.
12:24 am - 06.19.08
Recent entries:
07.06.16//there's one broken cobblestone still clinging to the bridge
06.30.16//digression of glitter, shiny, and sparkle!
06.27.16//half a life ago
12.15.11//sometimes, you've got to love what's good for you.
09.26.11//you are my beginning to my never-end
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